Selected Reading

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On Divorce

Burns, Bob, Tom Whiteman. The Fresh Start Divorce Recovery Workbook: A Step-by-Step Program for Those Who are Divorced or Separated. Nashville: Oliver Nelson, 1992. A rather pushy guide/workbook that is not very sensitive. The divorced have problems, and this book is going to solve them all.

Bustanoby, Andre. But I Didn't Want a Divorce: Putting Your Life Back Together. Grand Rapids: Zondervan Books, 1978. A basic overview of the practical issues in theology, singleness, grief, and remarriage.

Flannagan, Bill. Developing a Divorce Recovery Ministry: A How To Manual. Colorado Springs: Navpress, 1992. A pacesetter on the nuts and bolts of a first class workshop from promo, to applications and financing, to lectures and lecture outlines, to group questionnaires. The bibliography has many topics: workshops, divorce issues in theology and theory, legal issues, divorce and remarriage, children, and ecclesiastical statements.

Greeson, Charlotte A., Mary Hollingsworth, Michael Washburn. The Divorce Recovery Guide: A Pathway Through Change. Sisters, OR: Questar Publishers, 1991. For those who journal or could journal, this is a self-paced personal guide/workbook in a beautiful format that helps one deal with personal and practical issues in the privacy of one's own home and in depth. There is room for copious notes, and the book's strength is its focus on personal growth.

Johnson, Laurene, and Georglyn Rosenfeld. Divorced Kids: What you Need to Know to Help Kids Survive a Divorce. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1992.

Smith, Harold Ivan. I Wish Someone Understood My Divorce: A Practical Cope-Book. Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1986. A great and comforting gift to someone recently divorced. A popular Christian speaker and author gives an enjoyable journey through several aspects of the divorce grief and recovery. A very heartwarming read that tickles your funny bone while also touching the deep areas of pain.

Thompson, Mervin. Starting Over Single: Life and Hope After the Death of a Marriage. Burnsville: Prince of Peace Publishing, 1985. A basic overview of the practical issues in theology, singleness, grief, and remarriage.

Whiteman, Tom. Innocent Victims: Helping Children Through the Trauma of Divorce. Wayne, PA: Freshstart, 1991.

On Death & Grief

Crenshaw, David A. Bereavement: Counseling the Grieving Throughout the Life Cycle. New York: Continuum, 1990. One of the best little books detailing the major issues in grief work in each stage of the life-cycle from childhood through old age: very accessible, concise, and thorough.

Bender, David L., Richard Hagen. Death and Dying: Opposing Viewpoints. St. Paul: Greenhaven Press, 1980. Contrasting religious and secular points of few, and Christian and non-christian religions, this little book draws from several authorities to give brief treatises on death issues.

McWilliams, Peter. The Hard Stuff: Love. Allen Park, MI: Leo Press, 1978. For Melba, a small 60 pages or so of an illustrated poetic good bye. A good gift for someone in the later stages of grief.

Frankl, Viktor E. Man's Search of Meaning: From Death Camp to Existentialism. New York: Clarion Book, 1970 (1959). Frankl details his intrapersonal growth during life amidst the atrocities of a Nazi concentration camp: the essence of which attempts to help persons find meaning in life.

Osterweis, Marian, Fredric Solomon, and Morris Green, Editors. Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care. Washington, D.C.: National Academy Press, 1984. This is a report on bereavement by the Committee for the Study of Health Consequences of the Stress of Bereavement by the Institute of Medicine. It was initiated to determine the national health consequence of bereavement. Though copiously footnoted and dry, its conclusions brought a greater attention to the care of the bereaved in general.

Sansford, Doris, with illustrations by Graci Evans. The Comforter: A Journey Through Grief. Portland: Multnomah Press, 1989. A heart-warming delight. Possibly 30 pages of one woman's journey through the loss of her husband, Al: from shock to twenty years later. A marvelous gift of empathy to someone past the shock stage of grief.

Viorst, Judith. Necessary Losses: the Loves, Illusions, Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow. New York: Fawcett Gold Medal, 1986. Seven months on the Times bestseller list. This intellectual tome synthesizes a vast amount of research on the dynamics of loss and growth. In an earthy and readable fashion, "loss" from most every conceivable angle in human growth is addressed in an insightful manner and it is punctuated throughout with notes from major thinkers.

Wright, Norman. Recovering from the Losses of Life. Tarrytown: Fleming H. Revell, 1991. A seasoned and popular Christian psychologist discusses grief work and the need for emotional purging.

On Marriage

McDowell, Josh. The Secret of Loving: How a Lasting intimate Relationship Can Be Yours. Wheaton: Living Books, 1985. Two sections, "You are the Secret" and "Mature Love is the Key," focus on a good selection of interpersonal strategies for communication and taking personal responsibility in making the communication work.

Scarf, Maggie. Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage. New York: Random House, 1987. A seasoned secular marriage counselor gives a powerful look at the complex dynamics of maintaining intimacy throughout the life cycle. Packed with first hand scenarios from what seems like every corridor of marital conflict‑‑hundreds of complexities. An extended bibliography of popular and clinical books not usually found in dedicated Christian volumes. This is more clinical than popular.

Schumm, Walter R., Wallace Denton. "Premarital Counseling: Approaches, Objectives, Content, and Evaluation‑‑A Bibliography." Pastoral Psychology, Vol. 28, Spring 1980.

Smoke, Jim. Growing in Remarriage. Tarrytown: Fleming H. Revell, 1990. A popular counselor and speaker helps the remarried deal with the issues brought to a second marriage like blended families, parenting, and ex's.

Warren, Neil Clark. Finding the Love of Your Life. Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family Publishing, 1992. A lucid discussion on choosing one's mate primarily through the sieve of common interests and from careful communication strategies.

Wright, Norman H. Communication: Key to Your Marriage. Glendale: Regal, 1974. A popular Christian counselor details the various areas of marital communication with clinical information. This is a large work meant for counselors but very accessible.

__________. Holding on to Romance. Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1992.

On Singleness

Spray, Robert L. Singles: Committed and Free. Nashville: Convention Press, 1988. A very simple and compact look at self-awareness and other issues confronting single Christians in their relationships with themselves, God, families, and others.

Richmond, Gary. Successful Single Living. Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1990.

Smith, Blaine M. Should I Get Married. Colorado Springs: InterVarsity Press, 1990. A basic theology on marriage.

On Communication

Bolton, Robert. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1979. A host of communication skills including barriers, listening, assertion, and conflict management. Rich in technique, but a little self-assured.

Carnegie, Dale. How To Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Pocket Books, 1981 (1936). A classic work by one of the most well-known motivators of our time. It uses case scenarios to illustrate effective methods of working with people. Rich in technique.

Covey, Steven R. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic. New York: Fireside, 1990. A very popular management instructor details principles for personal and interpersonal growth and success. Easy, informative, and convincing: effectiveness stems from within the character.

Kiley, Dan. What to Do When He Won't Change. New York: Fawcett Crest, 1987. Coping skills.

Kouzes, James M. and Barry Z. Posner. The Leadership Challenge: How to Get Extraordinary Things Done in Organizations. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1987. Popular leadership and management instructors detail principles for effective leadership in organizations. Easy, informative, convincing. Better than Covey in that these authors provide hundreds of actual examples from real-life managers, where Covey forwards more of an actual philosophy without many examples.

______________. Credibility: How Leaders Gain and Lose It, Why People Demand It. With a foreword by Tom Peters. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1993. In follow-up studies of thousands, they distill the studies of leadership pioneered in The Leadership Challenge into the most essential components of leadership: credibility. A readable treatise on the development of people skills for success in real situations: remarkably, relationships and service predominate.

Robinson, Margot. Eggs and Eggshells: Managing for Success in Today's Workplace. Greensboro: Stanton and Harper Books, 1993. A popular management instructor details principles for managing in the workplace. Easy, informative, and thorough, with a touch of humor.

Rogers, Carl R. "Empathic: An Unappreciated Way of Being," The Counseling Psychologist, Vol. 5, No. 2, 1975. The theory behind true non-directive counseling is presented and probably the best definition of “empathy” in print.

Tannen, Debroah. You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York: Ballantine Books, 1990. Seven months on the Times bestseller list. A linguist dissects for the popular audience the communication difficulties and crossed meanings that come in conversational styles between men and women.

Viscott, David. I Love You, Let's Work It Out. New York: Pocket Books, 1987. A secular and popular author shares a variety of methods for sharing feelings in the context of a number contrasts between personality types within relationships.

Warren, Neil Clark. Make Anger Your Ally. Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family Publishing, 1990. A popular Christian psychologist gives a very lucid account of how one can harness anger and keep anger from hurting others and becoming destructive. Obviously clinically based, but without jargon and complication: very readable and poignant.

__________. Holding on to Romance. Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1992.

On Love

Buscaglia, Leo. Love. New York: Fawcett Crest, 1972. One of the best little books on the nature and doing of love: how to be open.

________, edited by Steven Short. Living, Loving, & Learning. New York: Fawcett Columbine Book, 1982. A combination of speeches by the author of Love.

Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving. New York: Bantam Books, 1967. A treatise on love by a the famous psychoanalyst that has been translated into 17 languages: theory and philosophy for common man.

Jampolsky, Gerald G. Love is Letting Go of Fear. New York: Bantam Books, 1981. Illustrated with helpful cartoons, strategies are given to help convert negative perceptions to loving perceptions.

Javan. A Heart Full of Love. Cumming, GA: Javan, 1989. A small collection of illustrated poems on the different feelings of love and loss.

McGinnis, Alan Loy. The Romance Factor. Cambridge: Harper & Row, 1982. A compact and organized little book full of romantic and interpersonal strategies for igniting and re-igniting romance in general, packed with quotes on love and romance from Leonardo Da Vinci to Samuel Johnson.

________. The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for. Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1979. Rich in techniques to motivate positively, reveal more, and get close to another in a positive and warm manner.

Paul, the Apostle. "1 Corinthians 13," The New Testament. Israel: A.D. 55. The classic definition of love.

Robertson, Fleur, ed. The Little Book of Love. New York: Mallard Press, 1992. A small book of one-page quotes from authors and philosophers juxtaposed beside a picture or painting. Cute and inspiring by the fireside.